Ventral Vagal: the nervous system state of flow and social engagement

How do you use breathing to relax in social situations?

Plenty of folks talk about the nervous system states of fight, flight and freeze… but I find it lovely to touch into what happens in our bodies when we are in social engagement (the nervous system state of ‘ventral vagal’).

When we are in ventral vagal, we have a sense that we are safe and we matter. Ventral vagal is a beautiful and complex symphony of safety signals that invites other mammals to join us in discovery, curiosity and togetherness: our heart rate becomes variable (to syncopate and dance with other humans!), our eyes and ears return to their natural ability to pick up facial cues and the prosody of other voices, and we can access the beauty of play, empathy and true connection.

We can use breathing and body sensations to support movement back into social engagement from activation, to access the miracle of human responsiveness. This video gives a quick intro to poly-vagal theory and why deep belly-breathing works to help us shift back into connection.

Now: what does this have to do with attachment, you might ask?

When we have received supportive co-regulation as children, or when we have developed out own capacity for self-regulation through resonance as grown-ups, we have an easier time staying within a state of social engagement that  might be described as ‘secure attachment’ or ‘earned secure attachment’.

Traumatic activation bumps us out of our window of tolerance into dysregulation, which can look like avoidant attachment (dysregulated left hemisphere), ambivalent/anxious attachment (dysregulated right hemisphere) or disorganized attachment (where we experience an unregulated limbic system characterized by constant fight, flight, freeze).