Have you ever felt like grief has its own hidden corners? A feeling of loss that doesn’t come with condolences or clear endings? There’s a kind of grief that lingers in the shadows—especially in today’s world where so much feels uncertain. When someone you love disappears from your life (or is still there but stops talking to you) without explanation, time doesn’t move forward the way you may expect. Instead, it stalls. The unanswered texts, the silence where laughter once lived, the absence that feels like a question forever lacking an answer—this is the pain of ghosting and estrangement. It’s a loss that isn’t marked by funerals or goodbyes, ripping away how we traditionally grieve.
If you’ve been ghosted by a friend, cut off by a sibling, or estranged from a child, you may be intimately familiar with this pain. You may also know that the world rarely recognizes it. However, neuroscience shows us that unresolved loss has a profound impact on the brain, holding us back because we are emotionally stuck in the past. So how do we begin to heal when closure never comes? How do we move forward when the story is unfinished? That’s what we’ll explore—together.
Why Ghosting and Estrangement Hurt So Much
Our brains are wired for connection. From the moment we’re born, our nervous systems sync with those we love—through eye contact, voice, touch, and shared experience – and just by making one another the focus of our attention. Relationships aren’t just emotional; they’re biological. That’s why sudden disconnection, especially when it comes without explanation, can feel like a shock to the system. It’s not only painful—it’s disorienting. The brain treats unresolved loss like an open loop, constantly searching for an answer that may never become clear.
This sense of disconnection creates a unique source of grief – losing a person to estrangement or ghosting does not have a finite ending. On the other hand, the physical death of a loved one has a more definitive, accepted ending. Together, we mourn, we remember, we begin the slow process of healing. There is an understanding that the living body of our loved ones is no longer accessible – even unfinished business must find a resolution of sorts. But when someone disappears, either by choice or otherwise, there is no script to follow. This person will continue to have relationships and inhabit the world without you. The ambiguity keeps us emotionally tethered to the past, replaying conversations, wondering what went wrong, and blaming ourselves. The brain, craving certainty, struggles to let go of a story that in many cases, may be inherently incomplete.
How Do We Process Unfinished Grief
When loss is ambiguous—when someone is gone but still alive—our nervous system doesn’t have a specified way to process it. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic and decision-making, keeps searching for meaning. Meanwhile, the amygdala, our threat detection center, stays on high alert, interpreting the loss as potential danger. This combination, along with a plethora of other emotions, has the potential to leave us feeling anxious, stuck, and emotionally raw without an understanding of how to move forward. As a note, it is important to remember that this is an oversimplification of neuroscience in terms of how the brain works – unfinished grief becomes an incredibly complex experience with numerous implications on the brain as a whole.
Without resolution, our brains struggle to close the chapter. We may find ourselves cycling through rumination—replaying memories, scanning for clues, or creating “what-if” scenarios in an attempt to make sense of the disappearance. This isn’t weakness; it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect us. But instead of bringing closure, this process can deepen our pain, creating a tether that constantly pulls between hope and despair.
How Do We Heal When There’s No Closure?
Healing from ghosting or estrangement isn’t about forcing yourself to “move on” or pretending it doesn’t hurt. It’s about giving your brain and body what they need to process the loss—even without answers. Neuroscience shows us that the key to healing is resonance—having our experiences met with warmth, understanding, and acknowledgment. When we bring self-compassion and curiosity to our pain, we can begin to allow ourselves to unfreeze what was stuck.
One powerful way to do this is through resonant language—words that mirror our experience in a way that feels deeply understood. Instead of silencing the pain with dismissive phrases like “I should be over this” or “It shouldn’t hurt this much,” we can turn toward ourselves with gentleness:
- Brain and body, are you still shocked by this disappearance, even though it might have happened years ago?
- Is it hard to adjust to the fact that this person, who almost felt like a part of yourself, is no longer connected to you?
- Are you longing to find some way through that lets you have some rest and peace?
By asking ourselves warm questions of acknowledgment, naming our emotions and holding space for them, we create an internal sense of relaxation and safety. And safety is what allows the nervous system to begin healing.
Join Me for a Deeper Healing Journey
If this resonates with you—if you’re carrying the weight of an unanswered ending—I invite you to join me for a 90-minute live webinar on February 25. Together, we’ll explore the neuroscience of ambiguous loss, uncover why ghosting and estrangement affect us so deeply, and most importantly, learn tools to support healing.
This session isn’t about quick fixes or pretending we’re unaffected. It’s about giving our hearts and brains what they need to process loss in a way that brings relief. You’ll leave with science-backed insights, resonant language tools, and a deeper sense of self-compassion to help you move forward—even without closure.
Healing from the Complex Grief of Being Ghosted and Estrangement
Register here to save your spot and begin the journey toward healing. I’d love to see you there.
