The use of self-hate, disgust and contempt to manage emotions is an aftereffect of traumatic attachment, and so makes sense in the context of our lives. As we understand this, the root causes of the contracts made in disorganized attachment start to become clear. We learn how we can turn predatory aggression against ourselves and others as a distortion of our SEEKING circuit, and this illuminates an avenue for work. The dissolution of trauma-based contracts is supportive in working with outbreaks of violence and recurrent fights in partnership and parenting. The work we have done to this point in this series supports us in looking at these knots of trauma, and untangling them to move us toward well-being.
Many people live without ever knowing that they have a shadow, let alone knowing that we can bring compassion, understanding, support and a radical self-love to the part of ourselves that is responsible for our contempt, bitterness, envy, pettiness, jealousy, implicit bias and arrogance. When we do bring this compassion to ourselves, our lives and hearts soften, we create connections across differences, we become more aware of how much we love the people in our lives, and we begin to enjoy the moment.
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