To see these offerings in a printable format, click here.
Please familiarize yourself with the intention of the group in the classroom on sarahpeyton.com or here.
Session 1: Exploring Chapter 8, Claiming Secure Attachment
Focus: A Guided Rescue For Your Ambivalently Attached Self or Releasing Unconscious Contracts of Ambivalent Attachment
Options for group resonance and discussion, created and offered by Jaya Manske
SUGGESTED FORMAT
1. Take a moment to settle in and say hello (Timing: 1-2 minutes)
2. Choose someone to lead this session.
I recommend a different person volunteer to lead each time. This person will track time and read aloud the instructions that follow (you may also pick 2 people, one to track time and another to read instructions). (Timing: 1 minute)
3. Check-in. Please go around the circle, giving each person an opportunity to share:
– One feeling and/or body sensation you’re experiencing
– (optional) Make a needs guess for yourself
(Timing: 1-2 minute each, total 3-10 minutes)
4. Choose if your group will do the guided rescue or work on unconscious contracts
5a. Group or small group exercise: Guided Rescue For Your Ambivalently Attached Self
I recommend this exercise be done in smaller breakout groups, however, you are welcome to use it as a large group exercise if you prefer.
Pace slowly allowing for your partner to explore and really be with the memory/experience.
For ideas about creating a group that is safe to explore this material, please remind yourself of these guidelines.
- B, Attune to A, creating enough space within yourself for all of who A is (imagine the universe or the earth with you to help open this space if needed)
- B, will read the directions for A and serve as accompaniment – read them slowly enough so A can be with themselves:
- Choose a moment when you felt like you were too much (too emotional, too sensitive, too needy, too…) or where you were overwhelmed by emotion
- Gather your resonating self witness and step through time and space into this memory. Bring B with you if you are willing (bring something/someone much bigger than yourself in addition if you need – the universe, earth, etc. Something/someone big enough to hold all of you)
- Freeze the environment and make it safe (eliminate anything there that might be causing a threat – put anyone else present into golden bubbles or blast them off to space. If you see faces that were cruel, make them dissolve into nothingness. If harmful words are present, turn them to dust and blow them away with the wind, etc.)
- As you arrive, let your past self know this was a very hard moment and you have come back because they were too alone
- Ask your past self the following questions:
- Is it hard to breathe?
- Are you simultaneously needing care and warmth, and are you also unsure you are worthy of it?
- Do you sometimes forget you exist?
- Do you tell yourself you should be able to feel differently or be different than you are?
- Are you flooded and overwhelmed with emotion? (name the emotions for yourself if you have any guesses)
- Do you need any acknowledgment of alarmed aloneness? Of a lifetime of alarmed aloneness?
- Is your love sometimes too big for you to bear?
- Do you love the dance of life when others are with you? And when they are gone, does every cell in your body ache and reach to be reunited?
- Do you worry you made a mistake or that something is unresolvably wrong with you?
- Are you angry that there is no one to hold you?
- Are you so worried that you are unloveable?
- Do you need to know that you belong?
- Do you need to know that you matter?
- Do you need to know that, no matter what, you are acceptable, loveable, and precious?
- Ask your past self if they are willing to be gathered up and held.
- Ask them how long they would need to be held before their body would begin to relax. Imagine giving them the gift of as much time and presence as they need (pause here for a bit if your past self consents).
- How is the past self’s body doing? There may be more to do here. Follow any of the past self’s body sensations with more resonance or simply make a note of where you are
- If the past self’s body has relaxed, invite them to come home with you.
- Take a moment to celebrate their presence
- B Share a need met or gift received from being with A in their process
- Reverse
(Timing: Remaining time, leaving 5 minutes for closure. Approx. 45-50 minutes, 22-25 minutes each in dyads)
5b. Releasing Unconscious Contracts of Ambivalent Attachment
(Timing: remaining time, leaving 5 minutes for closure. Approx. 50 minutes)
If you are willing, reflect on the possible contracts directly related to Ambivalent Attachment. You can see them on slide 60 here.
Feel into it, you don’t need to know all the steps to begin. Just the behavior or thought you’d like to shift.
Below are 3 options to approach contract work as a group. Decide what you’d like to do today, knowing you can try different approaches in the future.
Option 1: In smaller sub-groups, support one another to release a contract directly related to your ambivalently attached self. Please keep time travel resonance in mind as you go through the process if you hit any stuck places.
You can review the unconscious contract template here. Or read below.
Review this handout for tips to support your partner in a contract release
Option 2: Work on contracts as a group:
1 . Choose someone to lead
2. People can journal or write in the chat
3. Have the person leading ask everyone:
(give space after each question to consider, also allowing for the person leading to consider their own contract)
a) to connect to the contract that resonants for you and find the words for the start of the contract “I (your name) solemnly swear that I….” (Refer to what arose for you or in reviewing the possible contracts) (create space to look inward)
b) Who or what is the contract made to? (essential self, mother, father, ancestors, humanity, earth, God, universe, etc.)
c) In order to? What is the deep need that is met by doing this/believing this?
4. Once you have it all together, repeat the contract to yourself in its entirety “I (your name) solemnly swear to ____(who was the contract made to)_____, that I will always/ will not never_________________, in order to ____________________________. No matter the cost to myself or those I love.”
5. Become who/what you each made your contract to and ask “________ did you hear this vow?”
Yes ____
No ____
If no, then repeat the words of the vow. If still no, consider if the contract was made to someone else or if the words need to be adjusted.
6. Move to release – staying with who/what you each made your contract to and ask “________ do you like this vow for (your name)”?
a) If ‘no’, release.
“I release you from this contract and I revoke his vow”
b) If ‘yes’, allow others to release and maybe move to support the person with a ‘no’
(choice point) (use the time travel resonance process)
7. Blessing – following the release, what does your essential self, or whoever you made your contract want for you? Create a blessing that encourages you to live in a new way. What do you want for yourself instead?
“And I give you my blessing to…”
8. Come back to yourself and celebrate and/or be with how it is to be you without the contract
9. Take a moment to connect with one another if that seems sweet – how was it for each of you? Share anything you’d like about the process or blessing. Make sure everyone who wants to gets a chance to share.
Option 3: If, instead you want to work with just one person as a group, choose one person to work with and one person to support the process.
Everyone else witnesses.
The full process is on pages 181-182 of the workbook.
Please track who has received support and supported today, so you can rotate each time.
6. Closure: please close by having each person name a need met or a gift received after this discussion. You can read more about this practice here.
(Timing: 5 minutes)
OTHER FORMATS FOR YOU TO CHOOSE FROM:
The suggested format above is meant to create ease, however, your group might instead choose to structure your time around any of these activities or create your own:
- Offer resonant empathy to each other, either in the whole group or in smaller sub-groups (you can use this resonant empathy circle format if you’d like)
- Listen to one of the meditation(s) from chapter 8 together and talk about what comes up for you – Holding Ambivalent Attachment | Holding Avoidant Attachment
- Do one of the homework exercises suggested and discuss
